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Left and right brain hemispheres with coloured quadrants

The current popularity of intuition and irrationality says the left brain is inferior to the right brain. In reality, there are two sides to this question! (Image: public domain)

I am always getting upset about the ceaseless attacks launched against reason and logic in these foolishly emotion-drenched days. The disciples of feeling would reduce human beings to unthinking bags of hormones. The taste for irrationality is growing.

Annoyingly, I came across just such an “attack” in G. L. Rico’s, Writing the Natural Way. Rico lists two sets of very different character traits, inferring that each set resides in one hemisphere of the brain. A careful examination of these sets (the items in bold below) reveals a clear bias in favour of those traits associated with the right hem

isphere, often considered the seat of feeling and other irrational aspects of the mind. Traits associated with the thinking left hemisphere are couched in ways that sound negative by comparison. To amuse my(nasty)self – and to turn the tables on an unsuspecting G. L. Rico – I typed up the lists in bold and then set out my own alternative interpretations in plain text.

Here are Rico’s “wonderful” right hemisphere traits and my somewhat less flattering interpretations.

The Right Hemisphere: “Acceptance of Uncertainty”

Rico’s title (in quotes) is an attempt to make this list sound brave and daring. A better title for this list is “Acceptance of Self-Annihilation”

Floating self: This would mean having no clearly defined sense of self. Rico wants to make sheet-wrapped Buddhists of us all.

Involvement: Here we have the excessive need for the affection and regard of others that often signals self-dislike.

Willingness to explore what is new: Ah yes, the love of all that is brainlessly trendy and fashionable, novelty for the sake of novelty. Off with the old and on with the new so often you have no idea who or what you are.

Opening, loosening: Loss of self, no identity, adrift, no standards.

Metaphorical: To be metaphorical means you possess the great virtues of poor reasoning skills, woolly thinking, and love of irrationality.

Flexible: The best way to be weak willed, weak minded, and easily pushed off course.

Yielding: This means nothing more than plain ordinary weakness.

Impulse for risk: Lacking a real sense of self, some people need big thrills in order to feel alive. They are self-destructive and do not properly look after or value themselves.

Learning to be larger, more encompassing, softer more absorbent: This refers to that ill-defined sense of self that leads to those “all is one” and “I am one with the cosmos” feelings that are the ultimate self-obliteration.

Here are Rico’s “less desirable” left hemisphere traits and my more positive interpretations.

The Left Hemisphere: “Thirst for Certainty”

Rico’s title (in quotes) is an attempt to make the left-hemisphere list sound like something from a dogmatic religion. A better title for this list is “Search for Self-Realization”

Unmoving self: Having a sturdy and realistic sense of self; being well grounded. You know who you are, where you have come from, and where you are going.

Extrication, disengagement: These are the virtues of independence and self-reliance.

Rejecting or fending off what is new: You have a firm sense of history and tradition that underpins a lot of self-knowledge and a strong identity.

Closing, clenching: This is a way of describing self-possession, being able to control your own behaviour. It means having a sense of direction and purpose combined with the ability to finish. Such people have a “grip on themselves.”

Literal: Here is the ability to be logical, rational, and capable of clear thinking.

Rigid: A very nice quality that includes being strong, strong-willed, and determined.

Stubborn hanging on: This represents the ability to stay the course in the face of setbacks and get the job done.

Impulse for security: As a positive quality, this means you are not self-destructive. You prefer looking after yourself and valuing yourself.

Learning to be sharper, finer, more piercing, harder, tougher: Of course! What is wrong with being a healthy person who wants to hone their talents and skills while maintaining their independence and self-reliance? Being a soggy cream puff is for losers.

Rico’s lists are a deliberate attack on reason and represent a garbled hash of disparate influences. Her views on the self, for example, are Buddhist in nature. The idea of a rigid self versus a floating self is pure Buddhism. In reality, the self is constant yet does reside in the unconscious, which some might argue is in fact the right hemisphere where Rico places the “floating self.”